Sleep Before Waking Has Moved

It's Official

2009-05-12T14:30:00.000-07:00

I have re effin located!

Sleep Before Waking

http://SleepBeforeWaking.wordpress.com

though probably going to just be SleepBeforeWaking.com by weeks end. I'll let you know, ladies and gents.

(Some posts will remain here, but all new content will be there...until I am bored enough to transfer everything and end my relationship with Blogger. It's not you Blogger, it's me. I am only doing this out of concern for you.

Wow...that screwball had a NASTY gumball at the bottom of it. Sorry, strange segue, but just bit into it as I was typing. Thought I would share.

Don't you judge me.

Jumping SHIP?

2009-05-12T00:13:00.001-07:00

I may have decided I like Wordpress over this here Blogger. I am still thinking about it...will decide within the next...uh....undisclosed span of time...

Me and my "Try it before you buy it" ways...I make me so happy.

Reason to Fly Southwest!

2009-03-27T21:47:00.001-07:00

This man should be in Southwest Airlines commercials. Or better yet, he should be on Tour with Lil Wayne. The kids got serious funk in his bones, man.

The Oldest Joke: Gravity

2009-03-21T18:26:00.000-07:00

Despite knowing with complete certainty that I will be mocked mercilessly for this confession, I hereby pour forth my soul.

I watch AFV.

Now, not religiously by any means, and not AFV solely (AFV stands for America's Funniest Videos. There is a British version I saw while in London that was quadruple hilarious due to it being British people falling down) but if it is on when I am scanning the channels, I WILL stop. Now, the host is a baffoon, the segues are infantile, and the narration is often borderline nauseating, but none of that can deter from the timeless funny that is someone falling down.

I've been accused of being unfeeling due to the uncontrollable response I have to someone eat it. It isn't my fault, gravity is the oldest comedian on this planet. Combine that with the right attitude towards stumbling or the right face plant and I may very well pee my pants.

Now, here are some examples of the true nature of the beast. If you laugh, you understand. If you don't at least smile, you are a robot, an automaton of the worst kind and I spurn thee.

I Am No Hippy!

2009-03-20T10:34:00.000-07:00

With every turn through Fox News and 96.9 Boston, I feel this overwhelming sense of pessimism and fatalism that makes my teeth grind. Perhaps I find it unappealing because Debbie Downers really are just the killers of the cosmic party, or because people who would rather become a self fulfilling prophecy and see the world fall apart rather than be wrong need to get their panties unbunched. I just don't agree. I know that mankind is capable of great wrongs against itself and I know that on a primitive level, many if not all of the earth's creatures have at one time or another gone to war against each other for the purposes of territory, food, mating, and survival. Yet, I am hopeful that we might one day realize that if we just hold hands and sing an inspirational melody, everything will, in essence, be OK.

My point; (you often wonder if I have one, don't you?) I feel science is our savior. Though it has often been used for purposes that go against the grand scheme of life itself, I feel if appropriately tended and nurtured, it will bring about a great and divine age. (Is it odd that faith and science have already begun to merge in my eyes? How very Star Trek of me.)

Take, for example, the most biologically diverse regions of the rain forest. They are not hinged upon the presence of national parks, but by the presence of indigenous tribes whose livelihood is directly connected to the Earth. The rest of the world paves over wildlife refuges, losing species at record rates, but here in these tiny corners, life flourishes. Imagine, if you will, a world that can also relate to the planet with such authority.

How do we do such a thing, you ask? "Caitlin, I'm not exactly sure I would look good in a penis gourd." Yes, I know, junk hats and nose bones are intense, but think of it on a grander scale.

If your home were powered by solar energy, would you not become thoroughly aware of the sun's presence. And were your car also fueled by an overnight charge powered by the sun, a free and constant entity, would that not bring some form of peace to your day. Or, were the greater industries of the country run on fuel derived from something as primitive as a corn crop, or the algae growing in your pool, would it be possible to forget the relationship we all have with our planet. "Hey asshole, don't toss your plastic bag in the river, because Apple might have to shut down iPod production as a by-product." Direct repercussions that any noob consumer could understand from our irresponsible behavior toward Earth. Rather than use and destroy her, we work with her. As of now, we are all powered by dead dinosaurs and plant remnants, a concept difficult to understand when we're fueling up at the pump. There were only so many dinosaurs and they took millions of years to become oil...how will the herds of mankind react when they suddenly find themselves without? Stampede, anyone?

I see science as the best route to a common bond between all people. Using the natural surroundings we have completely ignored since the Industrial Revolution would result in a stronger chance of survival as a species and as a civilization. From making solar energy affordable, to inventing ways to utilize the constant motion of ocean currents...what I am trying to say is, "God damn it, I wish I was a fucking Scientist!"

And with a constant and renewable source of affordable, if not FREE, energy available to all people, soon there would be no one left unplugged; no reason why a Hobo on 9th can't check his email on the bus. Luxuries that cause those that go without strife, would become available to everyone. So many of the causes for strife in our social communities would be removed, leaving us with a sudden ability to...relate. Gasp!

Solar, Wind, Water power, Earth derived and sustainable fuels, nanobots injected into the bloodstream to eradicate cancers and illnesses, making us all bionic Million Dollar Men/Women who sit around the campfire at night singing Kumbayah; it's all coming. As long as we stop playing our fiddles long enough to get to work on it.

Don't Be Afraid to Be Wrong

2009-03-18T19:58:00.000-07:00

I've had a certain young man spew a few words of wisdom at me recently and I realized they should be shared, because they truly spoke to me.

When it comes to love, throw yourself in without fear or question. If you don't and it goes awry, in essence you have only yourself to blame. If you do and it still goes awry, then you learn from it and grow stronger (and all the more appealing to the opposite sex, oui oui :P).

The words can be applied to all aspects of life. I don't know if he stole it directly from some book by Deepak Chopra or some shite, but it stayed with me, made me do some serious inward searching. The greatest wounds I have received in my life were dealt by relationships/situations/adventures where I never fully threw myself in. As a result, the wound's severity was partially exasperated by my having had a hand in it. (And just the thought of holding ourselves accountable is terrifying, but cathartic.) Like jumping off a cliff into the ocean, if you don't jump far enough, you'll crash on the rocks, but if you're brave, if you truly take a leap, you'll splash down into the blue water and remember it for the rest of your life. (even if it gives you a profound wedgie!)

I think that is the end of my rant for today. It's brilliance though, is it not? Truly.

Desert Island Five

2009-02-23T19:10:00.000-08:00

So, I have been asked this question before and had some trouble answering it due to the ENORMOUS music collection I have amassed over the years (ridiculously eclectic and so very essential that seriously, this question can keep me up nights if I don't answer 'correctly'.)

So, let's start it off right. Top Five Albums you could not live without if you were trapped for eternity on a desert Island with unlimited batteries and a Cd player with bitchin Bose headphones. No mix tapes from your teen years count...I acknowledge my tendency to cheat before it rears it's ugly head. ....OH, and WHY!

1. Jane's Addiction - Ritual De Lo Habitual

This album comes at you with a heavy raw feel and you just thrill to the sound of Perry Farrell's eternal voice, jump around like a moron and punch some midgets, if midgets are, in fact, on the island and not in droves so that they might gang up and chase you with spears.

Then the second half hits, and man it hits so hard you will bruise permanently. It forces it's tendrils into your soul and every part of you stirs. Starting with Three Days, the last four songs of this album should ALWAYS be played in order. Three Days is an epic journey of cock-out rockery, that if tangoed with, will rise like the hydra, unexpected and double it's force. I will forever burst into a full out run wherever I am, in the last 4 minutes of this song. If trapped on a desert island with this album, this song would inspire me to build empires, an armada manned by midgets who I've overpowered with my punching during the previous half of the album, and we will all invade France. This album rules you, it fucks your mother, and you like it.

2. U2 - Unforgettable Fire

There's a sound, something like ethereal pleasure chaos, that rides this album, as will you, to the glorious land of Happy. I've never felt anything like A Sort of Homecoming since I heard A Sort of Homecoming. You close your eyes and you are home, and apparently, home is not in North Chelmsford, but wherever The Edge was when this sound came to him. Back when Bono was just learning pretention, which he mastered by the way, because the sun shines out of his ass. Back before the falsetto and the vocal lessons, back when every third concert they played resulted in his doctor ordering him to stop speaking, back when he hadn't learned to bridle his passion. Back when I was too young to see them live...God I cry over that sometimes. Seriously. This album has the greatest U2 songs of all time on it.

(Now it gets hard)

3. Carbon Leaf - Ether Electrified Porch Music

It's simple really, this right here takes my Irish heritage and my weakness for a good melody/harmony and beat and compiles them all into folk ecstacy. Blue Ridge Laughing, Ordinary Eyes, Home. This sort of music invokes heaving landscapes of Pine and solace, winding roads that end at Sonic Burgers and Gettysburg-ers, and the sad, sorry American secret that is West Virginia. This album IS blazed out, roach dropping road trip worthy.

Well, if you could combine this with Echo Echo, it would be the greatest Celtic Folk album of all time. So let's do that, they're indie enough damn it!

(EDIT: New selection...

3. Roxy Music - Avalon

Dude, you can call me a faggot all you want; this album has at least two songs on it that inspire urges to make out like a middle aged housewife in a Bondage den and sip a fine Pinot Noir at 9:30PM after the kids are in bed. Is it the fault of Rosie O'Donnell and Dan Akroyd for making a film about pent up sexual tension that is finally released in film form to the soundtrack of "Slave to Love"? I think not. This music SCREAMS mediocre lazy man's missionary sex, and that's so up my alley...after the BDSM, obviously.)

4. Simple Minds - Glittering Prize (European Version)

Yes, that's right. I went there. To embrace the conditioned reminiscence that this album enforces. It brings every part of my 80's induced childhood to the fore while at the same time, tickling my Scottish cockles. I fucking love Jim Kerr...and he WILL save the world.

And yes, Greatest hits albums ARE cheating, to an extent, but bite me.

(TRAUMA!!!! WHAT DO I PICK!)

5. REM - Eponymous (Man it was almost Green, this was tough!)

There was something that happened in this era for REM that sort of caught the world in a handful of albums and spit it out in simplistic melodies and smooth harmonies. The deconstruction of the American Dream, if you will...the festering self introspection of youth. The badassery of ORANGE CRUSH fuck it, it's GREEN!

And honorable mentions...

(6. )Depeche Mode - Violator / JEFF BUCKLEY - GRACE

Buckley died because the cosmos hates you, and Gahan lived his hideous Suicide attempt because the cosmos LOVES ME! Deal with it.

(7.) Tori Amos - Boys for Pele / PJ Harvey - DRY / Bjork - Homogenic

The triple goddess. This should count as one.

(8.) the Pixies - Death to the Pixies

And not just because I am enrolling at UMASS!

(9.) Siouxsie and the Banshees - Twice Upon a Time / The Smiths - The Queen is Dead

My inner goth rears her dog collar wearing head!

(10.) Jesus Christ Superstar - Original London Cast Recording

Yeah, and this is pre-musical geek era. This is childhood acknowledgement of a God, this is my bible schooling. This is epic Rock Opera!

I fucking hate top fives. Five is NEVER ENOUGH!

Now, your turn.

A Beach Read (if ever there was one.)

2009-02-14T09:51:00.001-08:00

(Found this quick story while going through files. Enjoy if at all possible. May be inappropriate to some, FYI.)

THE BLACKMAILER'S VISIT
by Caitlin Carrigan (Obviously)

Terry shuffled across the dusky carpet of room 418, his fingernails nibbled to the quick. He had paced there for hours, awaiting a knock on his hotel room door. His expected visitor had threatened a 5:00 PM arrival. It was now 7:42. Terry was growing antsy.
What could be fucking taking so long, he thought to himself. No sooner had the words rattled in his addled brain than the forceful tick of a knuckle on wood echoed through the room. Terry sighed nervously, padded his hair, and went for the door. As Terry pressed his face against the peephole, a voice called from outside.
“Sorry I am late Mr. Anderson. Another appointment ran longer than expected.”
Sten Maltovicz looked nothing like Terry had imagined him. He seemed more like an airline pilot than a hardened criminal, his hair gelled perfectly, his tie immaculate, as though some little woman waited at home for this man in pearls and kitten heels. Terry gripped the door handle and reluctantly opened the door.
Sten traipsed by Terry without a glance, and quickly made his way to the mini bar, where he retrieved two small bottles of whiskey. Terry didn’t feel like drinking, but as he watched Sten down both, he realized it wasn’t an issue.
After a swig and a sigh, Sten spoke, “I am glad to see you waited, Mr. Anderson. Best course of action, I’d say. Given your situation, that is.”
Terry shrugged, “I felt it best to get this over with.”
“Wise decision,” Sten snagged yet another small nip from the fridge, took a quick swig and sat in a chair. For the first time, Sten gazed at Terry. Terry felt microscopic.
“So, what is it you normally do? I mean, what’s the protocol? Do you give me some extravagant sum of money I have to produce and then I get the pictures, or…”
“Oh, I don’t want your money, Mr. Anderson. Does nothing for me.”
“Oh…ok. Well, then…look, I can’t go to jail, I just can’t, so…this is my first time being blackmailed. I really don’t know how this works.”
Sten rose from his seat, tossed his head back as he downed the last of his tiny bottle of whiskey, “Why don’t you have a seat there, Mr. Anderson. I’ll handle everything.”
As Terry sank onto the edge of the double bed, Sten unbuckled his belt.
***
Terry twisted his wrist against the fabric that bound him there, face down on the mattress. He felt his bare skin cooled by the open air as Sten rose from his perch atop him. Terry turned toward the clock; 10:17 it said.
Terry listened to the sound of Sten’s gadget laden watch being reaffixed to his right wrist. “Well, Mr. Anderson,” as Sten spoke, Terry’s mind raced; thank god he took that watch off, I should have fucking had a drink, if I never hear how nice my ass is again, it will be too soon!
“You’ll be happy to know that I have found your payment offer agreeable. I will incinerate the photographs upon my return to the office, and you will never hear from me again.”
The sound of the belt fastening gave Terry, nude and covered in his blackmailer’s sweat, cause to whimper against the ball gag.
“Oh, don’t worry about this. I’ll have housekeeping come up in a few minutes.” Terry could hear the minibar opening one last time as Sten headed toward the door. As Terry heard his company leave, he thought to himself.
"Jesus Christ, that was the best goddamn fuck I've ever had."

The New England Experience

2009-02-06T13:32:00.001-08:00

Pfft! I just lost footing and fell ass first into a snowbank. Upon seeing my buttprint I realized, my ass looks fabulous in these jeans!